Ask me.
The first time I involuntarily signed up for the NDE and flew through the famed tunnel and the lands of exquisite peace, I quite liked it.
Particularly the end of the tunnel, where I saw blurred faces asking me things like 'Are you awright?' 'Really?' 'Can I pinch you to see if you are really awright?'.
I liked it so much, I signed up again. And again.
So the third time, I flew into the tunnel to a tumultous welcome, with a couple of garlands falling on my neck. The tag on one of them said 'Calvin Klein', and the other said 'me too'.
I knew I was the latest inductee in their hall of fame.
I was excited.
But amidst all my philosophical ramblings back on earth, what I, or for that matter the whole of humankind, hadn't realized yet was the importance of NDEs. The third NDE entitles a human being to a direct entry to the final round of existence - The Judgement Day. It was my turn that fateful day.
I flew on, seeing the familiar billboards, the familiar sounds, the familiar bodies and the familiar stench, but there was something missing.
What was it?
Did I forget my toothbrush? Instinctively, I felt for my pockets, and to my horror, I wasn't wearing my trousers. My hands scraped the skin of my silky posterior.
'What the ..'.
It all came back to me. The circumstances of my er.. near-death.
I remembered most of the sex. I didnt remember the orgasm. I must have near-died in between.
'Great!!' I thought, 'I will be the first guy to have attended the Judgement day interview bottomless'.
A brush down the front of my body quickly indicated that, technically speaking, I was not bottomless.
The condom was still on.
I quickly looked around, tore the 'Calvin Klein' tag from the garland, and stuck it to the condom.
Passers-by looked at me with unbridled awe now, but the damage was done. I was just covering myself up to return unembarassed.
I need to do this twice more before I can be eligible for an interview again. What a waste!!
Moral of the story: Try not to take off your trousers before having sex. You never know what is gonna happen.